Author: ATT Chicago

A Taste of Torah – Parshas VaYeshev

by ATT Chicago

Written by: Rabbi Avrohom S. Moller

Parshas VaYeshev is the first of four parshiyos that discuss Yosef HaTzaddik’s travails when he was sold into slavery by his brothers and the repercussions it had on the family and indeed on the course of world history. The possuk seems to attribute the brothers’ resentment toward Yosef to Yaakov Avinu’s favoritism that he showed Yosef and also to Yosef’s own conduct toward his brothers, i.e., relating bad information to their father and telling them of his dreams of grandeur. Indeed, the Gemara (Shabbos 10b) says that a person should be careful not to show favoritism to one child over the other since “…for two selahs weight of fine wool which Yaakov gave Yosef more than his brothers, they were jealous and ultimately this led to our ancestors being enslaved in Egypt.”

This Gemara seems to blame Yaakov Avinu’s choice to favor as the catalyst for the entire Galus Mitzraim, the terrible suffering and enslavement in Egypt. The question is why did Yaakov overlook such a seemingly obvious dictum in raising children?

The Chassam Sofer (Rabbi Moshe Sofer of Pressburg, Slovakia 1762-1839) explains that Yaakov’s error was that he had a very different perspective of Yosef and of his position in the family. He saw Yosef as the scholar and Torah leader in the family. The Torah says that the reason Yaakov loved Yosef was because he was a “ben zekunim.” The Targum’s translation is that he was the wise son, the one to whom Yaakov transmitted all his lifetime learning. Since Yaakov saw Yosef this way, he thought that his other children saw this as well and that they recognized Yosef as a leader deserving of special status.

What Yaakov did not realize is that Yosef had a different relationship with his brothers. He acted like a “typical” brother even displaying an immaturity and perhaps a frivolity which did not make them feel that he was worthy of the leadership position to which he clearly aspired. The posssuk says he acted as a lad with the sons of Bilha and Zilpa. This created the rift between Yosef and his brothers since they believed that he wasn’t more worthy than they were of their father’s affection and attention.

As parents and as people of influence, we need to consider that other people may have a different perspective of an issue or of a person and that they may be very passionate about that perspective. If we are unaware or indifferent of this disparity, we might end up with a very damaging situation. We need to stay aware of feelings and attitudes of those whom we seek to influence, or we might be creating some very negative unforeseen consequences.

News Archive

ATT Honors NWHA/Park Plaza for Ensuring Future of REACH

by ATT Chicago

Nearly a century ago, visionaries of Chicago’s Jewish community came together to meet our community’s Jewish educational needs by forming the Associated Talmud Torahs. And as our community has grown and educational standards have shifted, the ATT has evolved as well. Today, our leaders in Jewish education have risen to the challenge to create an educational environment that meets all children’s learning needs. It’s a vision that requires dedication, educational best practices and resources. Thanks to the generosity and leadership of this city, Chicago is rising to the challenge with REACH.

REACH is built upon nearly four decades of educational programming to support day school students with different learning needs. The Oscar A. & Bernice Novick Ptach program was founded nearly 40 years ago to help children who learn differently. The Broner and Sheinfeld families stepped in as the parent body advocating for more services for our students. They were the pioneers that began this journey. They were followed by the Elan Diagnostic center program, thanks to the Mermelstein and Kahn families. Then came the JUF, who was instrumental in starting REACH in a partnership with ATT, initially administered by JCFS to bring all these services under one banner. The JUF brought others to the table as well including the Crown family and MRHT to broaden the support of REACH. A few communal leaders stepped up as well, including the lead gifts of the Esformes and Walder families, along with the Rothners, Hartmans, Robinsons, Davis and Meystels, who all gave us the jump start we needed. Hundreds of other community donors allowed us to expand and grow. We are grateful to those families, individuals and organizations in our Jewish community who laid the foundations for REACH that brings us to today. Thank you for investing and believing in our children.

This leads to today and the future of REACH. Thanks to NWHA/Park Plaza, the future of REACH is more secure than ever. ATT was selected among Chicago-area education organizations to receive multi-year grants from NWHA and Park Plaza, whose board has embarked on a groundbreaking, cross generational effort totaling $11 million to support and sustain Jewish day school education across the Chicago Jewish community. This unprecedented multi-year gift builds on NWHA’s ethos of service to the Chicago Jewish community for more than 75 years and its mission of providing high quality housing for Jewish seniors. NWHA’s flagship facility is Park Plaza, an independent living community located on the far north side of Chicago.

The members of this committee stepped forward and approached the ATT because their goal was to impact as many children in the Jewish community as possible. Rabbi Mordechai Raizman, ATT’s Executive Director of Operations, tells the following story: “We were asked initially to put in a proposal for a 3.5 million dollar endowment. After much preparation and a highly anticipated meeting with the REACH leadership team led by Julie Gordon, we felt relieved and hopeful for a positive outcome.

That evening just a few hours after we met, I received a phone call. We got the grant, but it isn’t $3.5 million. Okay, I am thinking at least we got something. I was told that they were so impressed with the dedicated professionals of the REACH team, they pledged $5 million.

These are a special group of people that truly exhibit the middos of our forefather Avrohom, the paragon of chesed. In the end of shemoneh esrei we ask Hashem to bless us because He has given us Toras Chaim and Ahavas Chesed. What is the connection between the two? They seem to be two separate ideas, Torah as the guide for life and the love of chesed – yet they are lumped together?

The truth is they go hand in hand. Many people can give dollars, but most of the time it is after they are asked. I may add sometimes multiple times being asked until they come forward with a gift. To keep our values alive and have a Toras Chaim we need more than that. It needs to come with Ahavas Chesed. The love of chesed demands of us to come forward and give before even being asked. Stepping forward and recognizing the need and then going ahead to fill that need.

Not only did they look for us, asked us to aim high, they went even higher. I have asked other professionals in the field of fundraising and rarely have they heard a story like this. ‘They told you to ask for an amount and then gave you more?’ This is Ahavas chesed that keeps the Jewish people alive.”

Presenting the leadership of NWHA/Park Plaza with the Crain Maling Pillar of Education Award at the ATT dinner on December 8, Rabbi Raizman said, “We are forever grateful for this incredible generosity to impact the lives of hundreds and thousands of students for years to come. On behalf of the schools, administrations, educators, parents and students I thank you and applaud this committee for teaching us this valuable lesson.”

The ATT is one of three recipients to receive the NWHA board’s $11 million in funding over a five-year period. Solomon Schechter Day School of Metropolitan Chicago (SSDS) and Chicago Jewish Day School (CJDS) also received endowment gifts. This funding will maximize each institution’s impact and ensure their long-term sustainability. It will also enable each institution to build further capacity from their respective base of supporters. Like Park Plaza itself, these institutions serve Jewish families across the broad spectrum of the Chicago Jewish community.

“The Hebrew words l’dor v’dor are literally inscribed into the doors at Park Plaza,” says Alan Caplan, president of Northwest Home for the Aged. “From generation to generation; that’s what we believe in, as individuals and as part of the Jewish community, and that’s exactly what this gift is: a gift that gives from one generation to the next, and the next after that. We at NWHA/Park Plaza are thrilled to make these gifts to support Jewish education in and around our communities.”

The NWHA/Park Plaza grant will have a far-reaching impact on ATT’s REACH program. Rusi Sukenik, REACH’s director of student services, says, “This endowment enables us to provide support to schools and teachers to teach struggling learners in a manner that best fits the student and addresses the needs and learning styles and needs of each student.”

Rabbi Raizman adds, “An endowment of this magnitude impacts our day school community in a profound manner. It ensures that no parent will worry that their child is falling through the cracks. This grant gives everyone a chance to succeed. Programs such as REACH are very costly to sustain. This grant is visionary in its nature and will allow us to provide for children for many years to come.”

The cross-generational aspects of Park Plaza are obvious the moment one enters. “Local schoolkids, grandkids, great-grandkids … they’re here all the time,” said Elly Bauman, Executive Director of Park Plaza. “Kids are here to celebrate Shabbat and holidays, to visit relatives, and to volunteer. It’s part of what helps us fulfill our mission of providing Jewish seniors with a life that’s not just comfortable, but which has dignity and meaning.”

“It’s just really what Park Plaza and Northwest Home for the Aged are all about,” says Alan Caplan. “We put l’dor v’dor front and center, the first thing you see when you enter the building, whether you’re a resident or a first-time visitor. It’s what grounds the Jewish community. Northwest Home for the Aged couldn’t be more pleased to put our primary principle into action with these gifts. They are investments in the future of our community.”

Thank you, NWHA/Park Plaza for invest in all of the future – in our children and the next generations to come.

News Archive

Inspiring Evening Celebrating Jewish Education

by ATT Chicago

Some 325 educators, community members, friends and lay leaders gathered on Sunday, December 8 to make this year’s 90th ATT celebration in inspiring evening celebrating Jewish education in Chicago.

The dinner came on the heels of planning a new, three-year strategic plan and an unprecedented new endowment to the ATT. Rabbi Mordechai Raizman, Executive Director of Operations, says, “This is an exciting time as we concluded an extensive and thorough look to where we are as an organization and where we are going into the future. Led by our Consultant Debra Nathashon over the last 18 months, we have created and started the implementation of a strategic plan for the next few years to better serve the day school community.”

The ATT was humbled and grateful to recognize Northwest Home for the Aged (NWHA) and Park Plaza with the Crain Maling Pillar of Education Award. ATT was selected among Chicago-area education organizations to receive multi-year grants from NWHA and Park Plaza, whose board has embarked on a groundbreaking, cross generational effort totaling $11 million to support and sustain Jewish day school education across the Chicago Jewish community. This unprecedented multi-year gift builds on NWHA’s ethos of service to the Chicago Jewish community for more than 75 years and its mission of providing high quality housing for Jewish seniors. NWHA’s flagship facility is Park Plaza, an independent living community located on the far north side of Chicago.

After deep consideration, the NWHA board devised a plan to allocate $11 million in funding over a five-year period to three recipients: The Associated Talmud Torahs’ REACH program, Solomon Schechter Day School of Metropolitan Chicago (SSDS) and Chicago Jewish Day School (CJDS). This funding, structured as endowments, will maximize each institution’s impact and ensure their long-term sustainability.

A highlight of the evening’s program was honoring three winners of the the ATT’s 10th Annual Hartman Family Foundation Educator of the Year Awards: Mrs. Sari Kravitt (Hillel Torah North Suburban Day School) whose top award was sponsored in memory of Mrs. Gayle Anne Herwitz, Mrs. Betty Hainsfurther (Arie Crown Hebrew Day School), and Miss Breindy Miller (Joan Dachs Bais Yaakov Elementary School).

Rabbi Avrohom Moller introduced the awards saying, “Robert and Debbie Hartman’s noble intention is to express gratitude to those teachers who dedicate themselves with heart and soul to the most meaningful career one can choose; the passing of our heritage to the next generation and the building of young students into successful people.”

Mrs. Kravitt describes in the video how she once attended the dinner to support a colleague who won the award in a past year and was inspired to become the kind of educator who would one day win the same award. This was extraordinary proof of the importance of the power of this generous Hartman Award that inspires our community’s educators to strive for higher goals and to reward them when they do.

The award and selection process are designed to highlight the superlative and innovative efforts of our educators. The ATT and Hartman Family Foundation hope that through the awarding of this prize not only three of the most outstanding teachers in Chicago are recognized, but the award also further elevates and ennobles the entire profession in the eyes of our community.

Awards are selected by a committee of educational consultants and community members. Selection criteria for the Educator Award include exceptional instructional skills in a nurturing environment, commitment to one’s students’ success, superior communication skills with parents, students, and peers, commitment to continued professional development, and contributions to one’s school’s learning community.

Thank you to the ATT staff and lay leadership who made this year’s annual dinner such a success.

News Archive

Mayefsky Memorial Parenting Lecture

by ATT Chicago

The community is invited to join the ATT for the 33rd Annual Rabbi Isaac Mayefsky Memorial Parenting Lecture on Motzoei Shabbos, December 14, 2019 at 8:00PM at the Associated Talmud Torahs, (ICJA Entrance – 8233 Central Park Avenue) in Skokie. The theme of this year’s lecture will be “Inspiring Our Children in 2020” and will be presented by Rabbi Levi Feldman, captivating speaker, educator and coach who is passionate that every child thrives and reaches his/her maximum potential.  Rabbi Feldman will address how to enhance relationships with children, how to build a child’s confidence and increase cooperation. The program will provide parents with skills to inspire one’s child to go the extra mile – skills that can be applied to children of all ages. Admission is free.

To see the brochure, click here.

For more information, contact the Associated Talmud Torahs at 773-973-2828.

Teachers

Hartman Educators of the Year Awards Honor Outstanding Teaching

by ATT Chicago

The ATT proudly announces the winners of the Tenth Annual Hartman Family Foundation Educator of the Year Awards. They are Mrs. Sari Kravitt (Hillel Torah North Suburban Day School) whose top award is sponsored in memory of Mrs. Gayle Anne Herwitz, Mrs. Betty Hainsfurther (Arie Crown Hebrew Day School), and Miss Breindy Miller (Joan Dachs Bais Yaakov Elementary School).

Awards are selected by a committee of educational consultants and community members.  Selection criteria for the Educator Award include exceptional instructional skills in a nurturing environment, commitment to one’s students’ success, superior communication skills with parents, students, and peers, commitment to continued professional development, and contributions to one’s school’s learning community.

The award and selection process are designed to highlight the superlative and innovative efforts of our educators.  The ATT and Hartman Family Foundation hope that through the awarding of this prize not only three of the most outstanding teachers in Chicago are recognized, but the award also further elevates and ennobles the entire profession in the eyes of our community.

To view more about The Hartman Family Foundation Educator of the Year Award, click here.

To join us at the dinner, please submit your reservations:

News Archive

ATT Receives Groundbreaking Endowment Gift of $5 Million

by ATT Chicago

The ATT is proud and grateful to announce we have been selected among Chicago-area education organizations to receive multi-year grants from the Northwest Home for the Aged (NWHA) and Park Plaza. NWHA and Park Plaza have embarked on a groundbreaking, cross generational effort totaling $11 million to support and sustain Jewish day school education across the Chicago Jewish community. This unprecedented multi-year gift builds on NWHA’s ethos of service to the Chicago Jewish community for more than 75 years and its mission of providing high quality housing for Jewish seniors. NWHA’s flagship facility is Park Plaza, an independent living community located on the far north side of Chicago.

The ATT will be honoring NWHA with the Crain Maling Pillar of Education at its annual dinner on December 8.

The gift follows a strategic decision by NWHA to take advantage of the current robust real estate market and sell an investment property that, although valuable, was not part of its core mission. The sale and its proceeds ensured that two vital goals would be met. First, that Northwest Home for the Aged, at its key Park Plaza property, would continue to provide the highest quality independent living for Jewish seniors across metropolitan Chicago. Secondly, that other critical needs within the Jewish community – specifically, Jewish day school education – would receive vital support over an extended time horizon.

After deep consideration, the NWHA board devised a plan to allocate $11 million in funding over a five-year period to three recipients: The Associated Talmud Torahs’ REACH program, Solomon Schechter Day School of Metropolitan Chicago (SSDS) and Chicago Jewish Day School (CJDS). This funding, structured as endowments, will maximize each institution’s impact and ensure their long-term sustainability. It will also enable each institution to build further capacity from their respective base of supporters. Like Park Plaza itself, these institutions serve Jewish families and school children across the broad spectrum of the Chicago Jewish community.

“The Hebrew words l’dor v’dor are literally inscribed into the doors at Park Plaza,” says Alan Caplan, president of Northwest Home for the Aged. “From generation to generation; that’s what we believe in, as individuals and as part of the Jewish community, and that’s exactly what this gift is: a gift that gives from one generation to the next, and the next after that. We at NWHA/Park Plaza are thrilled to make these gifts to support Jewish education in and around our communities.”

The grantees fill important roles in Jewish education across the Chicago area. The Associated Talmud Torahs (ATT), founded in 1929, is the central agency dedicated exclusively to Torah education. Chicago is the only Jewish community in North America that has such a resource. ATT’s REACH program focuses specifically on services for children who learn differently, building the capacity of the Chicagoland Jewish day school system to effectively teach students with a wide range of needs, allowing those students access not only to a meaningful general education, but one which incorporates Jewish learning. The other grantees, Solomon Schechter Day School, in Northbrook, founded in 1962, and Chicago Jewish Day School, in Chicago, founded in 2003, are both pre-school through grade eighth grade Jewish day schools. (CJDS begins with a junior kindergarten program). Both schools serve a diverse Jewish population.

Judy Finkelstein-Taff, CJDS Head of School, said of the NWHA/Park Plaza gift, “It seems very poignant to me as we look at the cycle of our lives and think about how we stand on the shoulders of the ones who came before us. We educate our students to celebrate the diversity of their present, and our students become the next generation of shoulders for their children to stand on. This gift will not only ensure the future of our school, but in a sense, it is ensuring the future of the Jewish people.”

Lena Kushnir, SSDS Head of School, also reflected on the importance of the Park Plaza grant to Schechter. “Both my husband and I are Schechter alumni and are parents of two alumni. As a former Schechter teacher and current Head of School, I can say with great certainty that a Schechter education is invaluable. The foundation that Schechter provides is the bedrock upon which we live our lives. It is simply the best gift I’ve ever received or given. Yet, while the Schechter experience is invaluable, there is a real cost to being able to provide this strong and critical foundation to students and families. The gift from NWHA/Park Plaza to our endowment fund will enable us to provide vital tuition assistance and ensure that more parents will be able to provide their children with a strong Jewish educationalfoundation. We are deeply grateful to NWHA/Park Plaza for this tremendous gift.”

The NWHA/Park Plaza grant will have a far-reaching impact on ATT’s REACH program. Rusi Sukenik, REACH’s director of student services noted, “This endowment enables us to provide support to schools and teachers to teach struggling learners in a manner that best fits the student and addresses the needs and learning styles and needs of each student.” Rabbi Mordechai Raizman, ATT’s Executive Director of Operations added, “An endowment of this magnitude impacts our day school community in a profound manner. It ensures that no parent will worry that their child is falling through the cracks. This grant gives everyone a chance to succeed. Programs such as REACH are very costly to sustain. This grant is visionary in its nature and will allow us to provide for children for many years to come.”

Jewish diversity, inclusion, and acceptance are the hallmarks of NWHA/Park Plaza. The community’s residents span the spectrum of Jewish observance and experience. Many are lifelong Chicagoans. Others have moved to Chicago to be close to adult children and to enjoy a secure, supportive, and fully modern and updated facility. Park Plaza provides a rich Jewish life that includes broad based programming as well as kosher meal service. Park Plaza recently completed a major renovation to allow it to continue to provide a high quality of life to its residents.

The cross-generational aspects of Park Plaza are obvious the moment one enters. “Local schoolkids, grandkids, great-grandkids … they’re here all the time,” said Elly Bauman, Executive Director of Park Plaza. “Kids are here to celebrate Shabbat and holidays, to visit relatives, and to volunteer. It’s part of what helps us fulfill our mission of providing Jewish seniors with a life that’s not just comfortable, but which has dignity and meaning.”

“It’s just really what Park Plaza and Northwest Home for the Aged are all about,” added Alan Caplan. “We put ‘l’dor v’dor’ front and center, the first thing you see when you enter the building, whether you’re a resident or a first-time visitor. It’s what grounds the Jewish community. Northwest Home for the Aged couldn’t be more pleased to put our primary principle into action with these gifts. They are investments in the future of our community.”

News Archive

5 Essential Ways to Prevent Bullying in Our Schools

by ATT Chicago

In every age and every grade, students commit a certain level of unkindness and insensitive behavior. It’s up to parents, schools and communities to model and encourage positive interpersonal behavior, regardless of whether kids naturally get along. As much as we would like to think that students in Jewish day schools internalize Torah values that would prevent bullying, kids will naturally act like, well, kids. It’s cliche, but, indeed, it takes a village. 

Bullying, however, is different

It’s important that everyone working with children and teens understands appropriate boundaries on what is bullying and imparts them upon the young people we guide. Bullying differs from normal conflict between students with one important factor: the intent to harm. Normal conflict arises when students are testing limits and learning social cues. Bullying occurs when a student intends to harm another student physically, verbally or emotionally.

The National Center for Education Statistics and Bureau of Justice states that 20% of students age 12-18 experience bullying, and yet only a fraction of those students notify an adult.

Bullying is defined as “unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time.” This leaves a lasting impact for both the kids being bullied and the bully him or herself.

In his work, No Place for Bullying, author and principal James Dillon writes that with bullying “the reality is that no one is to blame, yet everyone is responsible.” 

In honor of October’s National Bullying Prevention Month, check out 5 tips to help prevent bullying year round:

1)  Reduce conditions that contribute to bullying

Bullying often occurs in areas with little supervision. This makes it incredibly important to have increased adult supervision and to have adults be on the lookout for bullying behavior during recess, open gym or in the hall between classes. Each Jewish day school environment varie, and it’s important for staff to assess situations can trigger bullying to better target prevention efforts.  

 2)  Establish a Positive School Culture

Culture starts at the top in any organization, including Jewish day schools. Schools with positive programming to promote values like kindness and communication are better equipped to deal with students who do not act according to school values. These values should be communicated to teachers, students and parents regularly, and everyone should understand school rules pertaining to bullying. Teachers, who are most likely to witness or first hear about any issues, should be equipped with the skills to assess bullying behaviors and have an action plan to react appropriately. When it comes to professional development training, include anti-bullying training can help teachers identify behaviors and learn how to intervene effectively when necessary.

3)  Encourage Communication

Research suggests that children look to parents and caregivers for advice in challenging situations. However, it’s not unusual for teachers and school faculty members who work on building positive relationships with students to hear about challenges in school. According to the “Stop Bullying” government initiative, asking students open ended questions and then narrowing the focus could be an effective way to encourage students to open up about potential bullying.

4)  Empower kids to understand and help prevent bullying

By encouraging positive social behaviors at school assemblies and events, the school can increase awareness of bullying. Teach students what bullying looks like with relatable examples and help them learn how to stand up to it safely. Make sure that all students know the action plan for what to do if they are being bullied or know someone being bullied. Another way to empower students is to help kids take part in activities they enjoy. This can help build confidence that can help protect kids from bullying.  

5)  Respond immediately

By not responding immediately to bullying, teachers and administration can inadvertently send the message that your school does not take bullying seriously, possibly causing the behavior to spread. When adults respond quickly and consistently to bullying behavior, they send the message that it is not acceptable. Research shows this can stop bullying behavior over time.

Helpful links with more information on bullying:

News Archive

How Parents Can Model Instructions

by ATT Chicago

When it comes to parenting, typical instruction involves you verbally telling your children what you expected. If your expectations were clearly stated, why is it, then, that your kids often still don’t know what to do or just don’t do it? 

The same challenge exists in the classroom for our teachers. The good news is that the method we at the ATT have taught teachers to reinforce instruction modeling can work at home as well.

When it comes to addressing this issue in the classroom, the Responsive Classroom––an evidence-based approach to teaching––developed a 7-Step Method called Interactive Modeling to effectively introduce and reinforce procedures. Several ATT teachers learned this method in depth last year as part of a program to train them in Station Rotation.

Last fall ATT and REACH staff introduced the Station Rotation Teaching Initiative to 11 motivated ACHDS and YTT teachers, who joined group instruction and benefitted from classroom observations and individual coaching. Station Rotation Teaching creates flexible learning groups in the classroom using a variety of learning modalities.

This ground breaking nation rotation initiative can benefits parents in the home as well.

Rabbi Yitzchak Lurie has adapted this 7-Step Method of Interactive Modeling for use not just in the classroom, but in our homes as well. All seven steps are meant to be done in immediate succession – all in a matter of 3-5 minutes.

Step #1– Describe why you are introducing the procedure, and what it is

Step #2 – Model the procedure

This doesn’t just mean showing your appreciation after you eat a meal and cleaning up after yourself. Rather, it means to actually show your children what they should do after they eat a meal. For example, you can model the procedure by acting it out:

“Chaim, would you be Mommy for a minute, and I’ll pretend to be you? Come, sit down in my chair while I sit down in your chair.  I’ll take my last bite of the meal.”

After swapping seats and taking a last bite – 

Parent (pretending to be the child) says a bracha acharona (or for younger children, thank you Hashem for the delicious food), and then (while looking at the child), “Thank you Mommy for dinner.  The food was delicious.”

Parent then gets up to clear her plate, throwing out what needs to be thrown out and putting the dirty dishes in the sink.

Actually showing our children the behaviors that we desire speaks a multitude more than words alone.

Step #3 – Ask your children what they noticed (about your modeling)

The goal is for them to be very specific and articulate all of the behavioral expectations that you laid out in Step #1 and modeled in Step #2.

“What did you notice about what I did after my last bite of food?” You want your children to say something along the lines of – I noticed that you said a bracha acharona to thank Hashem, and then you also thanked Mommy for the delicious food. You then got up from your chair and cleared your plate, throwing out what needs to be thrown out and putting the dirty dishes in the sink. 

Most children will not include all that detail on the first try so your next strategy is to ask some leading questions to get them there. However, it is important that you don’t give it all away. You want them to come up with the details which, in most cases, means modeling again.

Step #4 – Ask your children to model the same behavior

The goal is for them to immediately practice the actions that they verbalized in Step #3. As part of teaching them this procedure, the children should model it/practice it immediately after Steps #1, 2 & 3.

“Who wants to show us what to do after you finish your last bite of food?”

Step #5 – Ask your children what they noticed (about their brother’s/sister’s modeling)

Almost identical to Step #3, this is one of the keys to success in making the procedure stick! You want your children to be able to articulate details about what they saw when their sibling modeled the procedure. It’s not just about hearing what they’re supposed to do (Step #1), watching what they’re supposed to do (Steps #2 & 4), practicing what they’re supposed to do (Step #4) – but the children need to be able to verbalize the specifics about what they’re supposed to do (Steps #3 & 5).

As we said in Step #3, many children will not include all the detail on the first try so your next strategy is to ask some leading questions to get them there.

To continue our example: 

“What did you notice about what Chaim did after his last bite of food?”

Some leading questions-

After Chaim’s last bite of food, did he talk to Hashem? What did he say?Did he say anything else? Did Chaim do anything after he threw out the garbage on his plate?

Step #6 – Have your children practice the procedure

Every child responsible for the procedure needs to have an opportunity to practice – whether in the “modeling step” (#4) or in the “practicing step” (#6).

Once your children understand what’s expected of them both descriptively, now it’s time to make it stick. They should practice so that it becomes natural and automatic.

Step #7 – Give specific praise

As your children are practicing the procedure (Step #6), give them very specific praise. Stay away from only using general sentiments like Great job! or You did it! Instead, you want to re-articulate the same details as part of your specific praise.

To continue our example: 

“You did a great job!  You said a beautiful bracha acharona and then you thanked me for the delicious food. You also did a great job when you cleared your plate, throwing out what needs to be thrown out and putting the dirty dishes in the sink!  Overall, I think you’ve really learned how to show your appreciation to Hashem and Mommy and to act with derech eretz by cleaning up after yourself.  I’m so proud of you!”

Once you get the hang of this, all seven steps are meant to be done in immediate succession – all in a matter of 3-5 minutes.  It will take us some time to understand each of the steps, but once we, as parents, understand the process, the application is meant to be relatively fluid.  Then, following the initial teaching of the procedure through the 7 steps, it will still be important to review periodically – either by thoughtfully selecting certain steps or by repeating the whole process from time to time.