From Burden to Blessing: The Power of Gratitude
Presented by Rabbi Reuven Brand
Last Motzaei Shabbos, Rabbi Reuven Brand presented at the 39th Annual Rabbi Isaac Mayefsky Memorial Lecture emphasizing that the topic of gratitude is essential for parenting and living. He started with a statement by Chazal that stresses that there is a centrality of saying thank you for the spiritual person. Citing examples from the Torah and great Rabbis, Rabbi Brand explained that expressing gratitude is a key component of life. As an example, he told of Rav Gustman who tended the garden of his yeshiva as a show of hakoras hatov for the plants that saved him when he lived in the forest during the Holocaust and ate shrubs in order to live.
Why is hakoras hatov such a big deal? The Chovos Halevovos explains that it is a bedrock since Hashem gives us everything and we serve Him. Therefore, the purpose of creation is to express gratitude for all that we have.
If you were asked, what is the most important aspect of a person’s emotional growth, mental health challenges would certainly be on the list. Dr. Abraham J. Twersky, the noted psychiatrist and author of the book, Positive Parenting: Developing Your Child’s Potential, spent his life’s work on the theme of self-esteem and a healthy self-concept. He felt that the two most important aspects of this theme are self-efficacy = I’m OK, and self-respect = I’m worthy of love and happiness. To develop a healthy self-concept in ourselves and our children requires people to tap into their spiritual self-worth. This is the foundation of health and life.
Part of this idea is gratitude. Some people have a difficult time saying thank you. Why? When one says: מודה אני – he is saying “I thank” and also “I admit.” These imply indebtedness and dependence and for some people this is hard to do. It is like saying, “I needed your help.” Obviously, that person’s self-worth is not where it should be.
Dr. Twersky says it is exactly the opposite. Every human being needs to have a healthy dependence, and this starts at birth. Recognizing I am dependent means I am comfortable being human. Thus, a person comfortable saying thank you has a healthy self-confidence and understands he is a healthy human being.
Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks wrote, “Gratitude encourages the savoring of positive experiences. It bolsters feelings of self-worth.” (Morality p.112) He published an essay on the “Power of Gratitude (Thanksgiving).” If we can say thank you, I need you, I appreciate you, then healthy lives and a sense of community will happen naturally.
The Mishna Bikurim (3: 2-4) describes the farmer who brings his first fruits to Jerusalem. However, many people were part of this process. The ceremony involved a parade, many community members who contributed those things that made sense for them to bring, music, a procession, and a huge parade. The farmer was in essence saying thank you to Hashem. The farmer could have said, “I nurtured, I harvested, etc.” Instead, he thanks Hashem for all that he received through his toil and efforts. That farmer is a healthy person!
How can we practice gratitude? There are two general areas:
בין אדם למקום (Between man and Hashem)
ברכות – “מה ה’ אלוקיך דורש מעמך” (דברים י:יב) חייב אדם לברך בכל יום מאה ברכות -1
Saying blessings – What does Hashem want from you? (Deuteronomy 10:12) A man must make 100 brochos a day.
Brochos are an important form of expressing gratitude. Chazal explain that this posuk hints at the number 100 from the word מה by adding the letter alef to that word. Thus, the posuk is saying that people should recite 100 brochos every day as an expression of gratitude to Hashem. Lech L’cha = 100 in gematria to remind us of this posuk and teaches us that our journey everyday is to express gratitude to Hashem, and habituation is the way to make this part of our nature.
2 – תפילה – Prayer
Davening is a way of expressing gratitude as well. The Rambam asks – why when the chazan says מודים so does the congregation? He answers – because the chazan cannot deputize someone else to say thank you to someone else, especially Hashem.
בין אדם לחברו (Between man and his fellow man)
1 – One can thank a rebbe/teacher for a shiur/class.
2 – One can thank students or children for their behaviors, actions, and things they bring into the home.
Rabbi Brand concluded by stating gratitude is a life-changing midah changing the world around us and nurturing our basic sense of self. He encouraged all present to enhance the practice of expressing gratitude to Hashem and to others in their lives.
