Author: ATT Chicago

A Taste of Torah – Parshas VaYigash

Written by: Avrohom S. Moller

VaYigash is the third parsha which discusses the dramatic events which took place around Yosef and his brothers. This week begins with a very intense exchange between Yehudah and Yosef climaxing with Yosef’s revelation of his true identity and his brothers’ stunned reaction. Instead of pressing his advantage and telling his brothers that he has prevailed and is vindicated, he comforts them and encourages them. “Do not be saddened or distressed that you sold me to this land, as Hashem has sent me ahead to preserve life.” Yosef repeats this message to his brothers several times, and it is clear that he truly viewed the entire struggle and hardship that he had endured with this perspective. He saw himself as an agent of Hashem to save his family and to save human civilization from a devastating famine and that his brothers had only acted as agents of Hashem to see this grand plan through.

This outlook is definitely rooted in Yosef HaTzaddik’s great faith and belief that, “…one doesn’t nick a figure in this world unless it has been decreed in the world above”(Chulin 7a). Dovid HaMelech expressed a similar sentiment when faced with the horrid curses which Shimi ben Geira hurled at him in his moment of distress. Dovid’s perspective was, ”Hashem told him to curse.” There is also a very important psychological lesson and benefit which should be learned from these great people’s behavior.

Victimhood is a toxic state of being. While some people might be justified in considering themselves victims of circumstance of other people’s bad choices or bad fortune, it is the feeling of victimhood that actually is the most debilitating. People who see themselves as the misfortunate target of negative circumstances feel helpless and don’t have any agency. They engage in self-pity and focus on the injustice of everything that happens to them and take no initiative to better their lot. If a person sees challenges as opportunities to grow or to be part of a bright but unseen future, they are empowered to improve their situation and grow tremendously from the experience.

Yosef did exactly that. He could have railed against his brothers, his father, and even Hashem for all the unfair things which had happened to him. That would not have gotten him anywhere, and he would have died in the pit in squalor and self-pity, unknown to anyone. Instead, he became a champion, a powerful man who used his talent and wisdom to save a generation and make a future for his people. This was all a result of his acceptance of what life dealt him, his faith in Hashem and his enormous ability to overlook the pain and wrong inflicted by his family.

A Taste of Torah – Parshas Miketz

Written by: Rabbi Mordechai Raizman

As we come to the end of Chanukah, I would like to share a message to take us through the winter. There is a famous question from Rabbi Yosef Cairo, the author of the Shulchan Aruch (Code of Jewish Law), that is asked. If there was enough oil to last one night, why do we celebrate eight nights if the miracle was really only for seven nights? 

One possible answer is the first night was the catalyst for the miracle to occur. After the total defilement of the Temple, when the Jews returned and searched for the oil, did they really think they would find something after such destruction? Our ancestors taught us a great lesson. Aside from not giving up, we learn that they were expecting to find something. They were looking to reconnect with Hashem and the service of the Temple. G-d saw their sincerity and responded with the miracle of the oil. We should model this behavior. For when we truly reach for something, His hand guides us to go beyond what one would have imagined. This is not just a message for Chanukah but all year round in all of our efforts to serve Hashem

A Taste Of Torah – Parshas Vayeshev

Written by: Rabbi Avrohom S. Moller

Shabbos Parshas Vayeshev often coincides with Shabbos Chanukah, and it is always instructive to look for a connection between the holiday and the parsha. The main protagonist of the parsha is Yosef HaTzaddik who endures terrible ordeals brought on by his brothers’ hatred and lack of understanding who he really is. He faces all of this with patience and fortitude emerging from all of his suffering and mistreatment as the powerful viceroy of Pharaoh. Indeed, the animal used to symbolize Yosef’s virtue is the ox, a patient and powerful animal that plods on and is unstoppable.

Chanukah is the celebration of our nation’s emergence from the darkness of Yavan, the Hellenist culture which dazzled the world and indeed is still one of the greatest influences in the culture of modern civilization. We consider it to be darkness, not because it is all bad. Actually, Noach blessed his son Yefes, the progenitor of Greek culture, with beauty. There is no question that the Greek civilization brought the world to a new and highly sophisticated aesthetic which enhances life to this day. The darkness of Yavan lies in its absolute opposition to divine wisdom and subjugation of our intellect to the intellect of Hashem. While the Greeks had many deities, they saw them as gods which needed to be cultivated and allied with, not sources of wisdom and understanding. This created a society that built magnificent buildings, produced moving theatre, engaged in groundbreaking philosophical inquiry all while being hedonistic, cruel and depraved. This paradox is the reason we refer to it as extreme darkness because it is confusing and difficult to navigate.

When the Greeks began their rule in Eretz Yisrael there wasn’t much friction. Alexander was busy with his military conquests and he didn’t focus on the Jews. As the years progressed and the Seleucid Greeks came to dominate our land, things changed. They wanted to establish the supremacy of their beliefs and way of life and impose it upon us. They saw the Torah and its morals as the antithesis of their culture. Our emphasis on subjugating ourselves to Hashem’s will and seeking divine wisdom from his Torah as benighted and threating to their world order. The rest, as we say, is history. Things became very bad as our people went through a terrible period of shmad, religious persecution, often orchestrated by our own brethren who had gone over to the other side as Misyavinim, Jewish Hellenists. This led to widespread despair and the Jewish community of Eretz Yisroel came to the brink of total collapse. It was only the heroism and sacrifice of the Maccabim that turned the tide and restored the national spirit to resist this cultural and religious onslaught and after many years of fighting and casualties, we finally prevailed.

This encounter and struggle with Greek culture has not ended. As a wise and devout people,  we seek truth and beauty wherever it is found. We have adopted some of the best aspects of Greek culture in our language, math and sciences and even some aspects of their classic philosophy. However, we totally reject the morals of this culture, its disbelief in a Creator and, most importantly, the belief that human behavior is predetermined by fate.

Yosef HaTzaddik is the only one of the Shevatim who lived in the deeply religious world of his father Yaakov who was thrust into a completely alien culture, also immoral and deterministic. He didn’t just reject it and isolate himself from it; he engaged it on his terms. While he always  invoked the name of Hashem and showed tremendous self-restraint when faced with temptation, he managed the affairs of his master’s  house, later his prison and eventually the affairs of the whole Egyptian empire. He was able to synthesize and use that which was useful and good from the prevailing culture and reject all that was corrupt and immoral. He also showed enormous faith and trust in Hashem in the darkest of times, with a solid trust that the light will come after the darkness.

Perhaps this is why the story of Yosef’s saga coincides with our national story of encountering an aggressive and confusing culture. Yosef as an individual was the model of how to respond to this threat, not by complete rejection, rather with a selective engagement while maintaining complete clarity about what being a Jew is.

Lesson Planning for Chumash

By Rabbi Avrohom Moller

When planning for teaching Chumash, there are three levels of planning necessary:

  1. The annual plan is the overarching goals and content paced out for the year.In this process, the teacher identifies the learning standards which they are expected to meet over the course of the upcoming school year.
  2. The unit plan prepares a group of lessons for 2-3 weeks. It focuses on the specific themes and concepts that are unique to this unit and identifies effective instructional methods to teach them. Summative assessment should be planned for the unit as well.
  3. The daily lesson plan is the actual choreography of what will happen in the classroom on a daily basis. It includes the content to covered, the methods that will be used, the timing of the lesson, the materials and activities that will be needed and how the lesson will be evaluated for effectiveness so that the teacher is certain that the students “got it”..
teaching chumash

These planning phases are necessary when teaching any content but this discussion will focus on the specific considerations when teaching Chumash.

A rich curriculum in any subject includes a focus on content, skills and a hierarchy of skills. When it comes to Chumash, our goal is for students to view the text as a Divine text(תורה מן השמים) which serves as a guide to our lives. It is written in a unfamiliar language which the students needs to master and, at the same time the student needs to absorb the content, analyze it and adopt it to their lives. As the student progresses, he/she needs to become more analytic by applying more sophisticated thinking skills and also open to multiple readings and commentaries.

The planning process for teaching chumash

Annual Plan: The first phase of planning involves clarifying the content to be taught over the year, the standards of learning and the time available to teach the content. This information is provided by the instructional administrator and it is important to have complete clarity about the standards so that they can guide all of the instructional activities. The school calendar should be studied and all of the time allocated for Chumash identified. A pace for the learning should be established with the recognition that not every posuk will take the same amount of time to teach to the standard.

Unit Planning: The next step is to plan the units. Different sections of Chumash lend themselves to building different skills. Some contain important hashkafa or halach. Some units can teach language skills such as numbers. Some can be used to teach gathering information and tabulating it. At this point it is important to make sure that the standards that are being used are developmentally correct. If the students aren’t cognitively ready for certain information it will quickly become frustrating for them. An example is teaching Hebrew verb conjugations based on tense and/ or person when the student has no concept of these ideas in their mother tongue.

Daily Lesson Planning: The daily lesson plan is a careful choreography of what will actually occur in the classroom. It includes the instructional plan and the timing of execution. It contains everything that the teacher needs to prepare in advance, materials, technology, supplies, etc. It describes activities such as frontal learning, games, cooperative learning, independent learning, and how these will advance the goal of meeting standards. The lesson objective will be a clear description of what the student will be able to do if the lesson is successful. The assessment will plan how the teacher will be able to demonstrate that the lesson was successful.

Hunter’s Model for Lesson Planning:

Madeline Hunter (1916-1994) formulated some of the key components of successful lessons. Many have created lesson plan templates based on her formulation. It is a good practice to incorporate this template in the instructional section of the lesson plan.

Elements of a solid lesson plan:

  • Anticipatory set: the hook and bridge of prior knowledge 
  • Objective and purpose: tell students where one is going
  • Input: what students need to understand the lesson
  • Modeling: show them what they’re learning in a concrete way
  • Check for understanding: a variety of strategies to assess learning
  • Guided practice: do something together with the students and check on their progress
  • Independent practice: give students time to work independently
  • Closure: wrap up, the lesson and reflect on learning

Hunter’s elements do not make up the whole plan since teachers need to add time management, activities, materials and differentiation for a complete plan. Good lesson plans ultimately benefit teachers by making them more prepared, creating lessons of high quality and providing clarity for all.

ATT Annual Campaign with the 2020 Rabbi Isaac Mayefsky Memorial Lecture

Close to 1000 viewers joined the Associated Talmud Torahs on Motzaei Shabbos, November 28, 2020, to participate in the 34th Annual Rabbi Isaac Mayefsky Memorial Lecture and the launching of the ATT’s annual campaign and week of community-wide inspiration and virtual learning. The annual parenting program, sponsored by the Mayefsky family in memory of Rabbi Isaac and Mrs. Florence Mayefsky, featured the captivating speaker and renowned scholar, Rabbi YY Jacobson.


The presentation, entitled Keeping Positive in an Age of Uncertainty, focused on strategies for dealing with the effects of the current pandemic.


Rabbi Jacobson opened with a tribute to the ATT and Rabbi Isaac Mayefsky, z”l, as he explained the importance of leaving no child behind. The attitude to children has to be: “I believe in you and I will not let any child fall through the cracks.” This is a testimony of Achdus in a community with the goal to let every child continue to sit in the laps of our forefathers and matriarchs with Yiras Shamaim, Ahavas HaTorah, hope, dignity and inner confidence that defines the eternity of the Jewish people. He quoted the Ponevezher Rav, the Steipler, who noted than an orphan is a child without parents. But an orphan generation is a generation without children. Children are the “anointed ones” – each child has the power to change the world and every child can find his/her place in our people.


So how does one stay positive in this age of uncertainty and insanity – one that has created fear and anxiety that has overwhelmed all of us. Rabbi Jacobson suggested the following ideas:

1)     One needs to be upbeat for the immune system to operate on a level of optimal health. One must eat well, sleep, exercise, and maintain a positive attitude for the physical immune system to do its part.


2)     Everyone is going through so much with the lockdowns, job effects, quarantines, etc. To combat this, one needs to keep a spirit of simcha in the house.

3)     Maintain an environment of connection – the Lekovitcher Maggid says: Hashem told Noach (Bereishis 7:1) You and your household should go into the “teivah.”The word teivah means Ark but the Baal Shem Tov says it also means “word”. The Lekovitcher Maggid teaches that when there is a flood outside, all of you have to enter into dialogue – conversation. When there’s a flood – a pandemic – and uncertainty outside, make sure there is communication between husband and wife, between parents and children – talking AND listening to the best of our ability. This will enhance relationships which create emotional connections.


4)     The Sefer Beis Aharon, a commentary on Chumash, written by Rav Aharon of Karlin says on Parashas VaYeitzeh: (Bereishis 28: 10,11) “And Yaakov went out of Beer Sheva and went to Charan. And he encountered the place (“makom”) …and he slept at that place.”
The Medrash Rabbah says that the word “makom” – place is a euphemism for Hashem – the Omnipresent – for He constitutes the space of the universe. In fact, this is the first place in the Torah where Hashem is mentioned in this way. So why doesn’t the posuk just say that Yaakov met Hashem? Why is this reference of “space/place” made at this point in the Torah? Rav Aharon of Karlin explains: In Shma it says: (Devarim 6:5) “And you should love Hashem with all of your heart.” Rashi explains there: “all of your heart” means that “your heart should not be divided or at variance (in a fight) with the “space” (Hashem).” You must always be at peace with G-d. A person might think – “If only…” this or that conceptually, existentially, or emotionally, things would be different. Those two words do not allow us to make peace with our situation. We need to remember that G-d is always present in our reality – you are never a victim of your reality. This, in fact, is where Hashem has placed you and you will find your purpose if you allow yourself to rise to the occasion. It is easy to surrender to a place/circumstance. Don’t! Hashem sent you there – embrace it with your tools even when there is pain and there are tears. This will be the place where you can find your deepest self. Don’t squander the opportunity – flex your muscles and bring out the best in yourself. It is an opportunity from Hashem.
So, in our present age of uncertainty – one place to start is to develop one’s relationship with one’s spouse and children. All of our lives have changed and we are living in difficult circumstances. We need to see ourselves, not as victims, but instead in a position to encounter G-d emotionally, physically, and psychologically. We need to say to ourselves, “My purpose is here.” The worst thing about a crisis is to squander the opportunity to rise to the occasion and grow. These are times to create our best marriage, intensify relationships with children, relate to Hashem one-on-one in our Tefillah, the way for us to connect to Him. We can take the challenges of today and the pain and change them into opportunities for self-awareness, extraordinary growth, deeper relationships with loved ones, maturity, and self-discovery. How can we become ambassadors for light, love, and hope? This is a time to be there for each other. We must ask ourselves, “what can I do for my community, for others, for my family?” It can be a gesture – a text, a phone call, words of encouragement to a spouse, a child, a neighbor, a relative, a principal, a teacher. Be a source of love, strength, and inspiration. You must always be at peace with G-d – make peace with every situation and accept the challenge. “Carpe diem” – “seize the day,” suck the marrow out of the “space,” and you will find your real self and make true meaning out of the situation.


This lecture is part of the ATT’s expanded program designed to address the challenges of creative teaching and rewarding parenting. Over the years, it has become an excellent resource for parents of children of all ages. Rabbi Isaac Mayefsky was a gifted educator who, in the course of more than 40 years of communal service, developed many key programs within the Associated Talmud Torahs, including the Russian Transitional Program and the Oscar & Bernice Novick P’TACH Program. The ATT’s annual campaign and week of community-wide inspiration and virtual learning will culminate in a lecture by Rabbi David Fohrman on Sunday December 6, 2020 entitled “The Unfinished Story of Jacob’s Ladder” sponsored by the Tanielle Miller Foundation.

A Taste of Torah – Parshas Vayishlach

Written by: Rabbi Mordechai Raizman

In G-d We Trust

In this week’s Parsha, Vayishlach, Yaakov faces a dilemma. He is about to encounter his brother, Esav, who hates him and continues to plot against him. Because of their history, Yaakov has no idea how Esav will behave when they finally meet. The parsha teaches us that Yaakov prepares for this confrontation by doing three things. First, he sends Esav a present. Second, he prepares his camp for war. Third, he prays to Hashem for a peaceful meeting.

The unusual point to note about these preparations is that the Torah also states twice that Vayolen Shom, and Yaakov slept. Two questions arise from this statement. First, how could it be possible for Yaakov to sleep when he is preparing for a confrontation that might conclude with his death? Secondly, why does the Torah assert that Yaakov slept twice?

With these two mentions of Yaakov’s sleeping, the Torah teaches us an important lesson for life. Yaakov did everything he could possibly do to be ready for his encounter with Esav. He sends the customary present, makes the necessary preparations for war, and he prays to Hashem for a successful outcome. At this point, Yaakov understands that there is nothing else he can do to guarantee a positive conclusion when he meets with Esav. He realizes that the meeting between Esav and himself is in Hashem’s hands. Having faith in Hashem, he peacefully sleeps recognizing that not everything is in his control.

This is a valuable lesson for us to emulate. It is only natural for us to fret over circumstances that concern us even when they are not in our control. From Yaakov’s behavior we learn that the first step in dealing with unpleasant situations is to put forth our strongest efforts in the hopes of solving them. The second step is the acknowledgement that sometimes we do not have the ability to control everything and after doing our best, it is time to move on. This step is a difficult position to accept but a crucial one for our own peace of mind and true Bitachon (trust) in Hashem.

A Taste of Torah – Parshas Vayetzei

Written by: Rabbi Avrohom S. Moller

Yaakov Avinu left his father’s house on a journey which lasted 22 years. On his way to Charan, he falls asleep and has a wonderful dream and prophecy. Hashem says to him, “I will be with you, and I will guard you wherever you go; I will bring you back to this land. I won’t abandon you until I have fulfilled all which I have told you (that I will do for you).” This reassuring message would seem to be all that Yaakov needs to continue on his quest for a wife and a family with confidence. Yet, when Yaakov wakes from his sleep, he makes a monument and a solemn vow. He says, “If Hashem will be with me and keep me safe on the way which I am going, He will provide me with food and clothes. I will return in peace to my father’s house and Hashem will be known as my G-d. I will make this monument into a place of worship and tithe everything which He gives me.” This is puzzling. Did Yaakov doubt Hashem’s promise? Why did he have to seek Hashem’s protection with a vow? Wasn’t Hashem’s promise enough?

Rashi, following the approach of the Gemara, explains that Yaakov was uncertain that this trip would leave him as righteous and worthy as he was now. He had spent the first part of his life in the shadow of his great parents as a “dweller of tents” pursuing Torah and righteousness. Now, he was heading into the world where he would have to deal with some negative personalities and the general temptations which present themselves in the big world. Yaakov wasn’t sure he would be able to preserve his character, and if he would fail, he would forfeit the protections and wonderful destiny which Hashem had promised him. This is what he was asking. He wanted Hashem to assist him in protecting his character, that he should remain unaffected by his interactions with unsavory people such as Lavan and Shechem.

The Ramban has a different approach. He translated the first word that Yaakov said, “im,” not as “if” (Hashem will be with me), rather im means, “when.” This means that Yaakov was certain that the promise of Hashem would come, but he didn’t want to be an unworthy recipient of Hashem’s benevolence and protection. He made a vow that all of the benefits he would get from Hashem’s protection and benevolence would be utilized to enhance his service to Hashem. He wasn’t going to take Hashem’s promise and simply go about his way. He understood that a great destiny awaited him and that was Hashem’s reason to give him this support and reassurance. He acknowledged it by rededicating himself and his works to glorifying Hashem in this world.

Our ancestors’ behaviors and reactions are recorded in these parshiyos to guide us and to help us make wise choices in our lives. The two ideas that are expressed in Yaakov’s vow following the dream are that one has to be strategic and realistic about the environment in which they are operating. Being out in the big world is different than being cloistered in an insulated environment and requires much more internal control and self-evaluation. Also, when Hashem blesses us with success of any kind, we need to reinvest that kindness into a renewed dedication to righteousness and good works. This applies to good health, intellect, material wealth, social standing and any other of the wonderful gifts we are blessed to have.

Working with learning difficulties

Candid conversations with specialists on the frontlines

When making considerations for helping a child with learning difficulties, there is an abundance of information that can be overwhelming to parents and teachers. 

To better support these students, as well as ATT staff, ATT teachers heard from Mrs. Rivka Varnai, M. Ed. LBS1 a reading specialist and Heera Chandani CCC-SLP/L, a speech and language pathologist to support them. 

The four pillars of learning

The four pillars of learning connect neurobiology and cognitive psychology to try and make the best use of the brain’s learning algorithms.

The first pillar of learning is recognizing that attention is the gateway to learning. By reducing distractions, students are more attentive, aware and better equipped to retain what they are learning. 

Students benefit from being taught how to pay attention to relevant details. Students can become easily overwhelmed with information, but when they are taught to pay attention to captions, headlines and context clues, this can make the learning more manageable.

The second pillar of learning promotes active engagement and participation in lessons. Especially when learning is difficult, teachers can encourage participation by making learning more fun, setting clear learning objectives and encouraging rewards. Rewarding the process, not just the end product can help minimize anxiety and stress and give students a dopamine boost to learn effectively and have a positive association with education. 

Error feedback is the third pillar of learning that inspires students (and teachers!) to learn from past mistakes. It’s important to adopt a growth mindset to learn how to accept and correct mistakes. Eventually, students will be better equipped to correct their mistakes quickly and take constructive criticism more easily. 

Once the first three pillars have been constructed within, the fourth pillar of learning entails consolidation – practicing every day. Regularly practicing these pillars will help make them habitual. Space out the learning and practice with daily drills of about five minutes. Throughout the process, check the retention to ensure the students are retaining the information. 

Keep cognition in mind

Understanding different elements of cognitive processing can play a major role in helping a student with learning disabilities. Cognition consists of the mental processes involved in gaining knowledge and comprehension. These cognitive processes include thinking, knowing, remembering, judging, and problem solving to show how learning becomes a cycle.

The cognitive process of selectively emphasizing and ignoring sensory stimuli is known to students as attention. These modalities process information from different sensory fields: visual, auditory, spatial, tactile. Try to get students to focus on one sensory modality instead of having their attention distributed across modalities.

There are different types of attention used in learning. Sustained or selective attention is used to emphasize what is relevant in teaching.  Alternating or divided attention is the ability to switch from one area to another. 

Visual or orthographic memory is one part of visual perceptual skills. This type of memory is used when students have to copy or spell. It focuses on one’s ability to recall visual information that has been seen. Visual memory is a critical factor in reading and writing and the best way to help students build their memory muscles is with practices. 

Be aware of how students process information

Auditory memory is the ability to remember information that is heard. Teachers and parents should be mindful of whether their students can process what they hear the same way other students do. They may have normal hearing, but there is interference with how the brain interprets sounds. These students will respond better if the teacher speaks more slowly, pauses often, breaks down directions, provides visuals and graphic organizers. 

Phonological processing is the ability to listen for and manipulate individual sounds in spoken language and is a key factor to diagnose dyslexia. These students have difficulty rhyming or with sounds. They may also experience difficulties with visual processing which affects how visual information is interpreted, or processed by the brain

Dyslexia is a type of learning disability that may be accompanied with the following: 

  • Difficulties with decoding and spelling (fluency)
  • Deficits in phonological processing
  • Neurobiological
  • Brain differences
  • Runs in families
  • Unexpected – a weakness in a sea of strengths
  • Secondary implications – reading comprehension and vocabulary, behavior difficulties

The International Dyslexia Association (IDA) has a Dyslexia Handbook for Teachers along with many helpful resources such as a guide to their structured literacy program and how it works to help students with dyslexia. 

Managing dyslexia 

Many students with dyslexia are able to thrive with the right support. Students with ADHD often have trouble with executive functioning and could also benefit from working on these skills.  Helping with executive functioning skills can provide a way for students to manage the brain systems more effectively.

These mental skills to build include: 

  • Attention
  • Working memory 
  • Flexible thinking – read and read
  • Organizing, planning, prioritizing, setting goals
  • Self-monitoring
  • Initiating tasks
  • Self-control
  • Ensure basic needs are met – food, sleep

Students with dyslexia may also require help building social emotional functioning skills. A student may require support if they have difficulty in social interactions or seem isolated. When major changes to family structure, upheaval such as job loss, school closures, or remote learning may also impact the student more greatly. To help with the social emotional side, check out Growing Our Resilience Muscle by Alexandra Fleksher. 

Anxiety is a big part of the world these days, but particularly with students with dyslexia they may face challenges with their sense of well-being. Emotions are like oil, and rationale is water. Oil always rises to the top. To reach learning, the layer of oil has to be traversed first. 

Overconsumption of Technology

In The Book in Crisis, Carol Jago  issues a call to action saying reading is in crisis among students in general. “Too often, too many students are choosing not to read.” She surveys teens who admit to almost always being on their phones. Especially in the times of the pandemic, working and learning remotely takes a toll. Overconsumption of technology affects sleep, self-control and inhibition for children and adults who may or may not have other learning processing challenges.

These days, especially, it’s important to be aware of over consuming technology.

A Taste of Torah – Parshas Toldos

Written by: Rabbi Mordechai Raizman

Assuming Responsibility

In this week’s Parsha Toldos, we meet Yitzchak’s two sons, Yaakov and Esav. Yaakov, the ish tam yoshev ohalim, is the man who studied all day in the tents. Esav is known for being the one who despised his birthright of being the first born and sold it to his brother. He is condemned in the Torah for this action.  However, when taking a closer look at Esav’s action, it is not readily apparent that what he did was wrong.  In fact, Rashi comments that Esav realized what kind of responsibility being the first born was and he said, “Behold, I am going to die from this birthright.”

Esav knew that as the first born, he would be required to follow certain laws related only to that position. He also knew that there was no way he could do that. Therefore, the question arises what did he do wrong by selling his birthright? After all, wasn’t he just being a realist about himself? He understood his nature and realized that he was incapable of fulfilling this responsibility.

Actually, Esav’s mistake was just that. He sold himself too short. He automatically assumed that there was no way for him to accomplish this task. He was overwhelmed by the responsibility and gave up before even trying.

On the other hand, Yaakov rose to the occasion and willingly accepted upon himself a monumental task as our forefather. As Jews, we understand that although at times it appears that we have an awesome responsibility, we do not shy away from it. We take it on and realize that this is our purpose in life, to assume the role of being an Am Segulah (a Treasured Nation) to Hashem. This is a very important lesson that we must instill in our children. We must teach our children that even when a task seems daunting and overwhelming, one must still assume the responsibility for with Hashem’s  help, we all can accomplish much more than we ever imagined.

3 brain states and collaborative problem solving

ATT teachers recently heard from Sarah Wineberg of REACH to discuss three “brain states” as a way of promoting behavioral understanding. By identifying these brain states, teachers are better equipped to connect and collaborate with children in a way that helps them move through the brain states.

The three brain states are survival, emotional and executive. Some students may experience difficulty building a bridge between them. Learning these techniques can help kids move from the survival or emotional state to an executive one, building skills and allowing for lasting change and problem-solving. 

Basic principles

There are some essential foundation points to keep in mind to help stay focused and on the right track:

  • Modeling has the greatest impact
  • Kids do well if they can
  • Skill not will – assume the positive intent
  • Expect conflict and use it as an opportunity to teach
  • Love, connection and relationships are the best motivators for learning and growth
  • The child is the best source of knowledge

In a typical response to a child or situation, even if a teacher knows the proper response it does not always translate to reality. Practicing these responses helps a teacher respond effectively in the moment. 

Three brain states and responses

  1. Executive state – What can I learn from this?
  1. Emotional state – Am I loved and in an emotionally safe environment?
  1. Survival state –  Am I safe right now?

The survival state is the most unregulated state and in it, students may be triggered by fight, flight and fright or feel helpless and in trouble, Factors that contribute to this can be the teacher’s tone, relationship until now, or when the emotional bank account is imbalanced. 

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For the teacher, the first step to balance the equation is to regulate ourselves by breathing and gaining the reassurance that we can properly manage the situation. Waiting until a calmer moment will help handle the situation more mindfully. 

For the student, use the following techniques to help them:

  • Encourage them to breathe
  • Validate them in public
  • Have them spend time in a calming corner
  • Provide reassurance and empathy
  • Stay calm yourself as your calm is contagious
  • Remind them to be a STAR = Stop, Take a breath And Relax.

The three brain states correlate to the three states of engagement: regulate, relate and reason. The survival state may look like screaming, tantrum, avoidance, resisting eye contact, eye-rolling or not wanting to be touched. 

Steer clear of telling the student to calm down to avoid stressing them out further. We can only regulate or elevate others to the place that we are at, so if we are currently residing in the survival state, we will need to identify which stage we are in before responding. To promote self-awareness and relate to students, try to identify the triggers that put you into survival mode. 

Often we can just see the tip of the iceberg, but if we look deeper we can discern what the child is really saying. 

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Empathy as a prerequisite 

The starting line for collaborative problem solving is learning how to empathize to try and regulate the child through a deeper understanding. There are tools and techniques to use to achieve this such as reassurance and reflective listening. 

When interacting with a student, make sure to open with a neutral statement such as, “I noticed that.” “Can you tell me more about what’s going on?” 

According to  Think: Kids, “Lagging skills are the reasons that a child is having difficulty meeting these expectations or responding adaptively to these triggers.” These are not about having teachers be diagnosticians but instead allows teachers to take a best guess as to what may be getting in a student’s way. 

It’s helpful to consider the skills you can identify that are lagging when a student is pulled into their survival state. Helping them figure it out can lead them in the right direction. 

Techniques to try

  • Deep breaths, draw feelings, model or vocalize to children what you are doing, and use a calming activity
  • An emotional state is our response to upset and can only be soothed through connection.
  • Stay with the child and calm them down until they can talk about it.

Behaviors in an emotional state

Sass, chutzpah, attention-seeking, attitude, testing and tears are just some of the major behaviors you will see in students. For the teacher, self-care, sharing with a helpful adult, and empathy can help work through emotional states. For the student, showing empathy, being “curious not furious,” giving jobs, choices, staying close and building the relationship are ways to help. 

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Collaborative problem-solving stages

The first stage of collaborative problem solving is empathy. We tend to insert our own thoughts when someone else is talking. Real empathy is being able to understand others from their perspective. Empathy is nonjudgmental, feeling with people. Rarely an empathic response begins with “at least.” Rarely can a response make something better. What makes it better is the connection felt through empathy. 

The executive state is the optimal state for problem-solving and learning. It frees us from past conditioning, attunes us to the feelings and experiences of others. The goal is to act out of rational ideas and respond from a place of calm and inspire the student to rationalize, problem-solve or come to a conclusion on their own (or with some guidance.) Getting into the executive state makes it possible when both sides are regulated. 

The second and third stage occurs when the child is regulated, shares adult concern and hears another perspective. This is when the problem-solving magic happens and together you can brainstorm solutions. 

Collaborative Problem Solving solves the problem durably, builds skills, builds connection and relationships. It teaches children to have long-term healthy response techniques, to not avoid conflict and to use every opportunity to learn or teach.

For more resources on the three brain states and collaborative problem solving, check out thinkkids.org and consciousdiscipline.com.